Steps to Reconciliation

Dear Brethren,

God has given us an example of reconciliation that we, as Christians, must live by and follow.  “God has reconciled us to Himself by Jesus Christ, and has given to us the obligation of reconciliation.”  (2 Corinthians 5:18)  In His mercy, He did this incredible feat while we were yet sinners!  The goal of reconciliation is peace – peace with God, and peace with all men.  “If it be possible, as much as lies in you, live peaceably with all men.”  (Romans 12:18)

Reconciliation has to do with coming into accord with one another.  It means to make peace and restore a right relationship with all.  Reconciliation is coming to good terms again, after a breach between two has occurred.  Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.” (Matthew 5:9)

Divisiveness comes about when one or both parties have misplaced priorities – one or the other has been betrayed, hurt, lied to, used or misused.  A situation like this calls for reconciliation.  Reconciliation takes more than words – it takes action.  Saying, “I love you,” without appropriate and suitable deeds is meaningless.  And, love must be in accordance with all of God’s law.  Hurt and pain develop when hope is shattered.  Rightly or wrongly, a person sometimes comes to the point where he or she "will not, or cannot take anymore" – and they break off the relationship."  A hardened heart is difficult to soften.

Where can the motivation for reconciliation, reunion, and resolution of the conflict come from?  “If you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you;  Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.”  (Matthew 5:23-24)  Reconciliation is most important to God.  God the Father, through the sacrifice of His Son, is not only reconciling us to Himself, He is reconciling us to each other as well.  God gives us no choice, but to reconcile.  Here are some steps to consider in reconciliation.

1.  Reconciliation is an act of Godly love.  As in, “Love thy enemies.”  (Matthew 5:24)  Reconciliation is necessary because the bitterness of alienation leads to spiritual blindness.  “Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart.”  (Ephesians 4:18)

2.  Draw near to God.  We cannot bring about reconciliation on our own.  Our relationship with God is the same relationship we should be developing with others as well. “Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another” (1 John 4:11).  Reconciling with others is an obligation of our Christianity.

3.  Fast and Pray.  “If ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."  (Matthew 6:15)

4.  Examine ourselves and make amends wherever possible.  Say, "I'm sorry."  An attitude of repentance is required.

5.  Be truly humble and meek with a willingness to begin a dialogue, – realizing that (unwittingly) we may have been the cause of the hurt, or the cause of the broken spirit.  An attitude of humility is important to God.  When one seeks to reconcile, he must be able to identify and repent of that offense which contributed to the problem.  If we do not have love and humility in our heart, we won’t get anywhere.  “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.”  (Galatians 6:1)  After all, our goal is to soften their heart – after making sure that our attitude is good and right before God.

6.  Seek honesty and openness, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable.  Unless both parties are open and honest with each other, true reconciliation cannot be found.  Willingly confess our part in the disagreement so that the trouble can be healed. “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another.”  (James 5:16)

7.  Show mercy, forgiveness, and compassion. “Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.”  (Matthew 5:7)  God does not want us to give up on each other.

8.  Do everything possible to make things right in fairness.  Unless there is a sincere effort to restore respect, the conflict will continue to boil.

9.  Realize that none of us are perfect – and that we are all in a state of growing and overcoming.  Abusiveness and scars from the past can and do affect relationships.

10.  Apply Matthew 18:15-17.  Write a letter, call on the phone, enlist a mutual friend.  Matthew shows a Godly approach of progressively increasing the reconciliatory effort.  Knock and it will be opened – but you have to knock louder and louder each time – if you are not being heard.  Paul wrote of the need for reconciliation: "He [Jesus Christ] is our peace, who hath made both one [through reconciliation], and hath broken down the middle wall of separation between us.”  (Ephesians 2:14)

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Sermon:  "Steps to Reconciliation"      


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